February Horoscopes: Total Eclipse of the Heart

Now that Bonnie Tyler’s classic slow jam is lodged in your head – not sorry! – it’s time to discover what the stars have in store for us this month. Namely, eclipses. Somehow, in the shortest of all the months, the universe has packed two of 2017’s four eclipses into February. What the what does that mean? Essentially expect the unexpected, as eclipses can be total game-changers. Suddenly you’ll make a Major Life Decision or you’ll blurt out those three not-so-little words to someone important and it’ll all be the eclipses’ fault.

Change is in the chilly air. Exciting? Yes. Exhausting? Also yes.

With February holding that certain gushy holiday that I’ve never celebrated, what better time to see what the stars have to say about you + l-o-v-e?

Aries:
All you do is give, give, give, Aries. What could possibly be bad about that? Well, perhaps you give a bit 
too much at times, like how pageant moms can give a bit too much. All with the best of intentions, of course, but be sure to indulge yourself with solo time too. Since Aries = independence, you definitely don’t need to deal with any relationship that doesn’t appreciate your generosity. So if you’re not the apple of his really pretty, green-flecked eye, move on.

Taurus:
Oh Taurus, you stubborn little bull, you. All tough on the outside and sweet and sensitive a few layers down. You play for keeps, so once you’re in, you’re in. Godspeed to anyone who says the love word or the forever word and then tries to wiggle out of a toro’s clutch. Since Taurus is ruled by luxurious Venus, you’re all about the finer things in life, especially when they provoke all the senses. Think silk to touch (may we suggest investing in silk pillowcases?), hands to hold, poems to read, and don’t he dare try to skip a base or two, because a good old fashioned make-out session is outright essential for bulls.

Gemini:
You’re the flirtiest of the astrological bunch – wild and unpredictable and sexy and confident. (Does that mean all the girls I envied in high school were Geminis?) Just like there are two sides to every story, though, there are two sides to every Gemini. Gems are not unlike a puppy. First of all, who doesn’t love a puppy? You’re so fun! Everyone wants to have you around! But it’s also really hard to keep your attention. You bore easily, oftentimes bouncing from one fling to another until you find the real deal. Until then, we’re so glad you’re around to tell us about how you lost your left shoe and ran into Luke from undergrad last Friday night.

Cancer:
I imagine every game of MASH a Cancer played as a kid had them living in a mansion, marrying the cute kid next door named Noah and having all the babies with him. Because like it or not, little crab, you’re the sign of home and family. You crave security, so in love, look for confident, stable types – none of those man-babies who can’t commit. You’re all about being a homebody, and that’s why we love you. We all need that friend willing to cozy up on the couch and watch the Real Housewives of Wherever with us.

Leo:
Leos love being in love, and they love to tell you they’re in love. Just think: Jennifer Lopez is a Leo. So is Ben Affleck, for that matter, hence the brief time in our much-simpler lives when we had to deal with Bennifer. A Leo’s love life is like an episode of All My Children, all Erica Kane scenes – drama and romance and what do you mean you didn’t set off a fireworks display for my birthday? With that comes fierce loyalty on your part, which is why we all need a Leo on our side.

Virgo:
Picky, picky Virgo, such a perfectionist. Only the best for you! You easily weed through the losers, swiping left – his beard’s too big, his eyes are too blue, his this is too that – on just about everyone, and would way rather be single than settle. Below your tough shell is a total softie though, a bookworm with worlds of wisdom to give. So high five to whoever can woo you; it’s worth it.

Libra:
Hopeless romantic, are you? Libra rules the seventh house of relationships (talk about pressure!), so if you’re not in a forever relationship, you’re looking for one – but only one that lives up to your standards to-a-T. This could take for-effing-ever to find, just warning you. Especially with Libras, who simply cannot be rushed. Once you find someone to balance your scales, though, you are at your Libra best.  

Scorpio:
To be honest, Scorpio, we’re a little scared of you. As the ruler of the zodiac’s eighth house – which focuses on sex, death and other’s people’s money – you’re basically the boss of everything we care about, whether we should or not. No wonder you’re so intense! In love, you can be jealous and controlling, but also mysterious and seductive. You’re a lot and we love you anyway.

Sagittarius:
As the free spirit of all the signs, Sag, you need someone willing to live in a van and adventure with you. You’re a fire sign – remember, fires can either keep you warm or burn you – all passion and desire and wild dreams. We’d warn you before diving in head first, especially in the shallow end, but you’re gonna do it anyway. 

Capricorn:
To do list? Five year plan? Grocery list? Goal-oriented Capricorns have them all. You’re a keeper, a reliable, loyal, marry-able type if there ever was one. Your sign also rules the zodiac’s 10th house of career, so you’re a total boss lady, which means work can sometimes take priority over love. As long as you let a partner fit into your five-, 10-, whatever-year plan, you’re a dream to be with.

Aquarius:
Good riddance to anyone who tries to tie an Aquarius down. Freedom is key for you, so any potential love interest who doesn’t understand that you might need to jet off on a soul-searching journey to Patagonia next week need not apply. Holding on tight to your independence can make you the queen of casual relationships, but if you do settle down, it’ll be on your own air sign terms. You’re ruled by Uranus, the planet that oftentimes instigates change and surprises, which makes you the type to thrill your friends and kill your mom with – surprise! – a shotgun wedding.

Pisces:
First of all, happy birthday, my darling fishies! Ever been told you’re sensitive? Thought so. Since you’re ruled by Neptune, the planet of fantasy where everything is hazy and hard to tell what’s real and what’s just in your pretty little head, you’re all about rom com-type romances and being swept off your well-heeled feet. You can be your own worst enemy in love, but just blame Neptune for that, and then rely on your wisdom and intuition and courage, the traits that make Pisces irresistible, to find the love you deserve.

Illustrations: Kate Worum
Design: Wit & Delight
Copy: Becky Lang, Liz Welle, Kate Arends

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wd_contributor_headshots6Megan McCarty is a writer, editor, etc.-er who has written about life, love and – shh, don’t tell her mother – s-e-x for Garance Doré, Apartment 34, Rue and more. While based in Minneapolis, she’s always ready, willing and oh-so eager to pack a bag, board a plane and wander new streets.