How To: Throw Yourself a Pity Party

Health & Wellness

Readers- It may be the time of the year, but I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately. I do my best to keep positive, but sometimes when a string of bad luck comes your way you can’t help but whine “Why me!?”. When I was in my (very) early twenties, my roommate and I did a lot of whining about the growing pains associated with becoming real “adults”. The self-pity fest was most often accompanied by a gigantic piece of chocolate cake and multiple glasses of wine. Soon enough we were laughing about the heaviest things on our minds.

Over the years I’ve realized that wallowing in self-pity is just a pitstop on your way to accepting the bad things that happen to you. So why not have a little fun with it? Soon enough you’re looking towards better things.

So party away, my friends.


1. Alcohol. Whatever floats your boat.
2. Lounging gear. Opt for cozy knits and a warm water bottle to hug.
3. Food. Sometimes only ice cream will do the trick.
4. Music, Movies & Journaling. I’ve watched Casablanca since high school and it still does the trick. I also posted my weepiest tunes on 8tracks and Spotify. Totally subjective and personal, but yeah, Radiohead makes me bawl.

Best Practices (for good measure):

1. Lay off the social media. This is an intimate party and odds are you’re not your “best self” in this state of mind. And let’s be honest, it’s probably pretty irritating to everyone else, too.
2. Reach out to someone you can trust if you need support. Talking through things often helps us move on.
3. Remember that everything looks better in the morning light. You’ll feel better tomorrow, I promise.

Links: celebratory banners / I recommend scotch / sweater / hot water bottle cover / wool undies / ice cream spoon / batch ice cream / casablanca / journal /

BY Kate Arends - January 19, 2012

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add a comment

  1. AnnaD

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    your spotify playlist only has one song on it.

  2. Kate

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    thanks anna, im trying to fix it

  3. Meredith

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I rarely leave comments on anything…but this was so sweet and endearing. I hope your sads go away quickly!

  4. Lauren O'Neill

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Hah! I love this!

  5. Desi

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Girl after my own heart. I always say that if you’re going to do anything you should do it with a level of enthusiasm. So when I’m bitching I remind myself that ” I enjoy the complaining. ” It always makes me giggle and lifts the weight pretty quickly.

  6. Kate

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    i love that, desi! i’m doing my best to embrace that kind ‘tude.

  7. Leah @ Freutcake

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Oh man! My pity parties have been all wrong for years. I like your approach much better. 🙂 Feel better my friend!

  8. cashmeredreams

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I used to do the same thing with my college roommates!! We had a play list and everything for those sort of days! It was so cliché and sorrowful that we would end up in fits of giggles over the sappiness. Steel magnolias and terms of endearment were our go to movies for when we needed a good cry…having amazing girlfriends around you gets you out of those dumps real quick! Feel better!

  9. Sarah Morgan // Hemenway Street

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    This is absolutely wonderful. Also, Batch Ice Cream is absolutely amazing. Have you tried the salted caramel? Omg.

  10. Kate

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    I haven’t! That’ll be on my list for my next party 😉

  11. Katie

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Amazing timing, Kate! I’ve felt so overwhelmed by work/life this week and felt a little under water. Which is actually a really strange feeling for me since I’m generally level-headed and optimistic! But, it’s all about embracing every part of life.


    p.s. wine definitely helps 🙂

  12. Melissa Oholendr

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Love. And true. Especially the social media part. Woofta.

  13. Jennie

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    LOVE it.

  14. Cookie and Kate

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    YES. You’re right on every account here. When I’m in a funk, I find that the best thing to do is to drop everything and go eat and drink with a friend. That always makes me feel better. And the title of that notebook literally made me bust out laughing. I could fill a whole notebook with “boys I have met, and how they have proceeded to disappoint me.”

  15. Amber

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Too funny. Love that ice cream package design. I guess it’s her party and she’ll cry if she wants to 🙂

  16. Amanda

    January 19th, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Love this ever so much!!

    And thank you for advising people to avoid social media. Facebook status whiners are the worst! :9

  17. Ranu

    January 19th, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Love this! Such a clever post, and all too true!

  18. Finn

    January 19th, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    This is such a sweet post; really good advice. I also love your playlist!

  19. Josephine

    January 19th, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling under the weather, but I love your perspective on those rough times. Don’t party too long though. Good things are around the corner!

  20. Danielle L

    January 19th, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    You just made this the most appealing pity party! The Scotch print is delightful!

  21. Amanda

    January 19th, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    What a positive spin on pity parties! Thank you for the tips!

  22. Ana

    January 19th, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Beautiful post, Kate—from the layout to the items to the text. Really solid. xo

  23. Ana Maria / Anamu

    January 19th, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Love this. Sometimes you’ve just gotta embrace feeling sad before you can move on. Can I still wear all of that cosy stuff though even on a happy day? 😉

  24. Keely

    January 19th, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    How funny, I am in the middle of the biggest pity party ever. These tips are perfect for my state of mind. I was just working on a blog post about trying to pull myself out of it…maybe I will stay a little longer 🙂

  25. Down and Out Chic

    January 19th, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    Whiskey (straight please) is definitely a must when attending my own pity party along with cozy clothes and a shoulder to lean on. Hang in there. xo

  26. I think Potter and I would do this regardless « KRISPIX

    January 19th, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    […] the deets click here  Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]

  27. Becky

    January 19th, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Oh my. This is spot on. I was JUST thinking about pity parties today. Sometimes I like to feel very very very very very sorry for myself. Sometimes it’s fun to watch a movie like Simon Birch. Sue me! Give this girl some ice cream and shallow reality television, and I’ll call it even with the baditude.

  28. Lisa

    January 19th, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    seriously ice cream is my savior!

  29. Annie

    January 19th, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Oh poop! I’m so sorry to hear things haven’t been at all stellar for you. Sometimes it just feels like life throws one thing after another at you. I do like your prescription for dealing with it – best to just embrace the blah-blues and as you said things always look better in the morning. Sending you warm thoughts and a hug. Take care, Annie x

  30. Nadine

    January 20th, 2012 at 4:21 am

    January has definitely left me down in the dumps but this reminds me that sometimes that can be quite fun (if you have ice cream and liquor down there with you!)

  31. Chuck

    January 20th, 2012 at 5:12 am

    I totally love this post. My bestest friend is coming down for the weekend and I am going to organise one of these. We can get it all out of our systems and generally have a great time moping and feeling sorry for ourselves. Bliss. A good cry always does me the world of good.

  32. Christine

    January 20th, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Brilliant post! Exactly kind of thing you hope to see once in a while on blogs, but rarely do. Something about gloomy January–always has same effect on me no matter where I live. Love the list–especially the journal and knitted briefs.

  33. My Thoughts on Blogging - freutcake | freutcake

    January 20th, 2012 at 8:30 am

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  34. Laura

    January 20th, 2012 at 11:58 am

    This is so awesome and so what I needed to read today. I don’t know why January is like this – don’t all the magazines say it’s supposed to be an exciting time for a fresh start? – but I completely empathize with you in this and feel like maybe a pity party is just the thing I need: to let it all out and be done with it. Looks I’ve got my Friday night plans.

    Thanks for this, and I hope things start getting better. For what it’s worth, your blog is one of my very favorites – so beautifully designed and very smart.


  35. Michelle

    January 20th, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    This is the best! I totally agree, it’s pretty satisfying to just vent and bitch with your best friend for awhile!

  36. sodearly

    January 20th, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    One of your readers said this before and it is so, so true for me- your blog [you!] make my life better!

    thank you for everything you share, you really are the best. hope you kick those blues soon, xo

  37. NameVivi

    January 20th, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Oh, you’ve read my mind!

  38. Bonnie

    January 20th, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    Please tell me where I can get my hands on those uber cute wool undies!?!?!?!

  39. Stephanie

    January 20th, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Love this!

  40. Pink Antler Cakes » Blog Archive » I’m Tired… So Tired…

    January 21st, 2012 at 6:42 am

    […] Arends posted on throwing a proper pity party – and I find it perfectly on point. Kate – I think I’ll join you in wallowing a […]

  41. Miss Moss : These Things No.33

    January 21st, 2012 at 11:04 am

    […] how to throw yourself a pity party by wit + delight. brilliant: […]

  42. Hayden

    January 21st, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I especially like the banner, actually – makes it feel like a real party.

  43. {gemmifer}

    January 21st, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Sorry you were feeling down in the dumps; hope the pity party helped!

    xo Jennifer

  44. Kristine Joy

    January 22nd, 2012 at 1:10 am

    The “I recommend Scotch” card is by Oblation Papers and Press ( in Portland, Ore. I work there and it’s very lovely to see us represented on your blog 🙂

  45. Kate

    January 22nd, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Thank you so much Kristine, I had a really hard time tracking that one down. It was a huge hit!

  46. Kasey

    January 22nd, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Sorry to hear you’ve been down, Kate! We’ve all been there (as I’m sure you know!) When I’m down, I like to do stuff that reminds me what I love (about where I live, about my friends and family, my work, etc.). A string of bad luck only means a string of good luck is sure to follow 🙂 xx

  47. esb

    January 22nd, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    i am WAY GUILTY of twitter whining. thx for the handslap 😛

  48. m.fay

    January 22nd, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    amen sister! thanks for reminding me of ways to kick my blues away. martinis, music (played really loud) and a good night of restfull sleep always seem to help me….and you’re right about social media. ha!

  49. Erin

    January 22nd, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Pray tell who makes those beautiful knit intimates!!

  50. Sonia

    January 23rd, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Hahaha! this is so funn.! And practical too 🙂 I love it.
    Hope you’re in a better mood now.

  51. Sweet Harvest Moon

    January 24th, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Pity party must include an old movie classic and ice cream!

  52. Jess

    January 24th, 2012 at 7:54 am

    GREAT post. I hope Breyer’s mint chocolate chip ice cream and Breakfast at Tiffanys are also acceptable substitutes 🙂

  53. Kelsey @ K&K Test Kitchen

    January 26th, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Oh I’m so happy that I found my way over here from Freutcake! I totally threw myself a pity party on Monday night, which included a very hearty glass of red wine, or two, or maybe it was three. Regardless, I woke up on Tuesday morning with a slight hangover and a brand new positive attitude!

  54. Goodness |

    January 27th, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    […]    Got the winter blues? How to throw yourself a proper pity party. […]

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  56. Friday Link Love | The Sweetest Occasion

    January 27th, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    […] needs a good pity party now and […]

  57. AnnaS

    January 27th, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Seriously WHERE are those knit underpants from?!

  58. merriment 1.27.2012 | A Subtle Revelry

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  60. Stephanie

    January 27th, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    best practice #1 is so spot on! what a great post.

  61. Pity Party « Kristin Nicole

    January 27th, 2012 at 6:21 pm

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  62. Eliza Jane

    January 27th, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Hahaha YES

  63. have a great weekend - Whitney Martin | Austin Texas Wedding Photography » Whitney Martin | Austin Texas Wedding Photography

    January 27th, 2012 at 8:16 pm

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  64. Rebecca

    January 28th, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Love this! I’m linking to it on my blog because it fits perfectly with my mood today. Living abroad is wonderful but it can make for some pretty amazing pity parties! Thanks!

  65. Lindzi

    January 28th, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Seriously, where can I get or at least who makes these underwear. I have been trying to track them down and can’t. I’m obsessed, they look so comfy!

  66. Kate

    January 28th, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Oh, yes. My pitty party last week was no where near as good as this one! For one thing, I did not have cashmere undies or a warm water bottle. Guess I have to try again next week 🙂

    <3 Kate

  67. THE PITY PARTY ESSENTIALS « Bumble Bee Diaries

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    […] […]


    January 28th, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Simply Fabulous! Totally love the embrace of some down in the dumps time! It makes you feel good when you come out the other side and realise it’s all going to be alright in the end 🙂 thanks xxx

  69. Being Ted Mosby?

    January 28th, 2012 at 11:07 pm

    […] { wit + delight }: design / fashion / projects / oddities.  So, I will continue to wallow away for a while, my friends.  Another stop in my internet […]

  70. Amy Ditchfield

    January 29th, 2012 at 2:21 am

    What an amazing post, I think many of us suffer from mid-January blues, I know I had my own mini-meltdown just the other day, for me my pity party involved a new copy of Vogue, a large hot chocolate, a LARGE slice of chocolate cake, a moan to some good friends and my mum, and an early night. Felt much better the morning after! Hope your January blues leave you soon! xxx

  71. To Make You Smile | FlowersandFootball

    January 29th, 2012 at 7:57 am

    […] this guide on how to throw a proper pity party. Because let’s face it, sometimes they are just completely necessary. […]


    January 29th, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    I…. I’m amazed. Every single provision and practice listed is impossibly accurate. A friend sent this to me because both my grandpa and dog died this week, and also it’s just that time of year, so I’m in great need of a pity party. How in the world did you know that all I want is a comfy sweater, coffee ice cream, scotch and a journal? AND THAT PLAYLIST. Of the ten songs I’ve heard thus far, FIVE are seriously among my all-time favorites.

    I normally don’t comment on things but I’m pretty sure we’re the exact same person.

    Overall, I’m impressed and grateful for such a delightful post.

  73. best of the blogs: january. « wabi wabi

    January 30th, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    […] bouquet // the noun project: a library of free, downloadable icons // how to throw yourself a pity party (in style) // spotify sounds like a cool way to share music mixes online // an inspiring post about […]

  74. strong personality « words | images

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  75. the roundup. | .

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    […] other news, How To Throw Yourself A Pity Party is pretty much how I’ve spent my last 36 hours, except switch out Downton Abbey for […]

  76. TelePak

    January 31st, 2012 at 2:53 am

    I think i’ll do this the next time i hold a pity party.

  77. Treading Water | fritz

    January 31st, 2012 at 8:36 am

    […] and to get on a little bit of a schedule so I can accomplish more in the day. If all else fails, I’ll be throwing this party in the near future. Will you please […]

  78. Hannah Love

    February 1st, 2012 at 7:09 am

    This is PERFECT! I’m going to keep this in mind for those crummy days.

  79. Music, TV, and Mac ‘n Cheese Can Cure EVERYTHING « Style & Cheek

    February 1st, 2012 at 1:02 pm

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  80. H*

    February 2nd, 2012 at 4:54 am

    I Love this!

  81. Weekend Warriors: Trip

    February 3rd, 2012 at 9:09 am

    […] feel like throwing yourself a pity party? Here’s how to do it with […]

  82. bradee

    February 6th, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    this is ridiculously awesome!

  83. Brooklyn Galley

    February 7th, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    This is the most stylish pity party ever. Love it!

  84. Have a great weekend. | My Blog

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  85. Friday Faves 2.10 | house of earnest

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  86. This Week I love… « abby's road

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  88. comfort « twolittlespoons

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  89. This Weekend: Being Gentle « An Honest Life

    February 11th, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    […] not a pity party (although those have their time and place)…you’re just being gentle and kind and doing […]

  90. Natalie

    February 11th, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Wait, seriously, how do I go about purchasing those wool undies?! They’re amazing! I can’t figure out the site they link to 🙁

  91. one of those days… « Sunday Noises

    February 15th, 2012 at 2:28 pm

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  92. other pretty things « words & other pretty things

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  93. blah-winter-daze « artbroke

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  96. The Perfect Pity Party « Utterly Smitten

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    […] Kate had a similar idea when she posted about how to throw yourself a pity party, but hers is a pitch-perfect visual of how to do it with some style and some cheekiness. And she adds, “Over the years I’ve realized that wallowing in self-pity is just a pitstop on your way to accepting the bad things that happen to you. So why not have a little fun with it? Soon enough you’re looking towards better things.” […]

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  101. erin

    April 5th, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    This is hilarious. Spot on! People ARE disappointing and sometimes a pity party is just the thing one needs to proceed with life.

  102. Pity Party | dash and ellipsis

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  104. Music, TV, and Mac 'n Cheese Can Cure EVERYTHING – Style and Cheek

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  105. Lisa

    January 21st, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    hahah – I enjoy a good pity party occasionally, although I’m more a fan of bread and salt than ice-cream as my pity party snacks of choice!

  106. Bethany Everett

    October 6th, 2014 at 1:59 pm

    This has come in handy SO many times…

  107. Kate

    October 6th, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Love it, Bethany!!!!

  108. How A Self Pity Party Allows You To Move On - The GOODista

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    […] blame Wit & Delight, for showing me how to do so the proper […]

  110. tour budapest

    November 24th, 2015 at 6:14 am

    Great clothing, i like it. Maybe i will buy some thing from this picture.

  111. Ignite Social Media – The original social media agency | How to Become an Influencer

    March 28th, 2016 at 1:00 pm

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    […] of who she is. She decided to write a post, not about how to be happy, but rather about how to throw yourself a proper pity party. Her readers responded positively and, to her surprise, Target took interest and approached her for […]

  113. Wu Zhiyong

    November 27th, 2019 at 10:03 am

    Your sharing women trend 2020 are useful to me, thanks.

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