How To: Throw Yourself a Pity Party

Health & Wellness

Readers- It may be the time of the year, but I’ve been a little down in the dumps lately. I do my best to keep positive, but sometimes when a string of bad luck comes your way you can’t help but whine “Why me!?”. When I was in my (very) early twenties, my roommate and I did a lot of whining about the growing pains associated with becoming real “adults”. The self-pity fest was most often accompanied by a gigantic piece of chocolate cake and multiple glasses of wine. Soon enough we were laughing about the heaviest things on our minds.

Over the years I’ve realized that wallowing in self-pity is just a pitstop on your way to accepting the bad things that happen to you. So why not have a little fun with it? Soon enough you’re looking towards better things.

So party away, my friends.


1. Alcohol. Whatever floats your boat.
2. Lounging gear. Opt for cozy knits and a warm water bottle to hug.
3. Food. Sometimes only ice cream will do the trick.
4. Music, Movies & Journaling. I’ve watched Casablanca since high school and it still does the trick. I also posted my weepiest tunes on 8tracks and Spotify. Totally subjective and personal, but yeah, Radiohead makes me bawl.

Best Practices (for good measure):

1. Lay off the social media. This is an intimate party and odds are you’re not your “best self” in this state of mind. And let’s be honest, it’s probably pretty irritating to everyone else, too.
2. Reach out to someone you can trust if you need support. Talking through things often helps us move on.
3. Remember that everything looks better in the morning light. You’ll feel better tomorrow, I promise.

Links: celebratory banners / I recommend scotch / sweater / hot water bottle cover / wool undies / ice cream spoon / batch ice cream / casablanca / journal /

BY Kate Arends - January 19, 2012

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January 19, 2012 12:00 pm

your spotify playlist only has one song on it.

January 19, 2012 12:02 pm

I rarely leave comments on anything…but this was so sweet and endearing. I hope your sads go away quickly!

January 19, 2012 12:03 pm

Hah! I love this!

January 19, 2012 12:08 pm

Girl after my own heart. I always say that if you’re going to do anything you should do it with a level of enthusiasm. So when I’m bitching I remind myself that ” I enjoy the complaining. ” It always makes me giggle and lifts the weight pretty quickly.

January 19, 2012 12:15 pm

Oh man! My pity parties have been all wrong for years. I like your approach much better. ๐Ÿ™‚ Feel better my friend!

January 19, 2012 12:16 pm

I used to do the same thing with my college roommates!! We had a play list and everything for those sort of days! It was so clichรฉ and sorrowful that we would end up in fits of giggles over the sappiness. Steel magnolias and terms of endearment were our go to movies for when we needed a good cry…having amazing girlfriends around you gets you out of those dumps real quick! Feel better!

January 19, 2012 12:20 pm

This is absolutely wonderful. Also, Batch Ice Cream is absolutely amazing. Have you tried the salted caramel? Omg.

January 19, 2012 12:20 pm

Amazing timing, Kate! I’ve felt so overwhelmed by work/life this week and felt a little under water. Which is actually a really strange feeling for me since I’m generally level-headed and optimistic! But, it’s all about embracing every part of life.


p.s. wine definitely helps ๐Ÿ™‚

January 19, 2012 12:27 pm

Love. And true. Especially the social media part. Woofta.

January 19, 2012 12:33 pm

LOVE it.

January 19, 2012 12:41 pm

YES. You’re right on every account here. When I’m in a funk, I find that the best thing to do is to drop everything and go eat and drink with a friend. That always makes me feel better. And the title of that notebook literally made me bust out laughing. I could fill a whole notebook with “boys I have met, and how they have proceeded to disappoint me.”

January 19, 2012 12:42 pm

Too funny. Love that ice cream package design. I guess it’s her party and she’ll cry if she wants to ๐Ÿ™‚

January 19, 2012 12:58 pm

Love this ever so much!!

And thank you for advising people to avoid social media. Facebook status whiners are the worst! :9

January 19, 2012 1:35 pm

Love this! Such a clever post, and all too true!

January 19, 2012 1:56 pm

This is such a sweet post; really good advice. I also love your playlist!

January 19, 2012 2:03 pm

I’m so sorry you’re feeling under the weather, but I love your perspective on those rough times. Don’t party too long though. Good things are around the corner!

January 19, 2012 2:38 pm

You just made this the most appealing pity party! The Scotch print is delightful!

January 19, 2012 2:42 pm

What a positive spin on pity parties! Thank you for the tips!

January 19, 2012 3:00 pm

Beautiful post, Kate—from the layout to the items to the text. Really solid. xo

January 19, 2012 4:24 pm

Love this. Sometimes you’ve just gotta embrace feeling sad before you can move on. Can I still wear all of that cosy stuff though even on a happy day? ๐Ÿ˜‰

January 19, 2012 4:33 pm

How funny, I am in the middle of the biggest pity party ever. These tips are perfect for my state of mind. I was just working on a blog post about trying to pull myself out of it…maybe I will stay a little longer ๐Ÿ™‚

January 19, 2012 5:51 pm

Whiskey (straight please) is definitely a must when attending my own pity party along with cozy clothes and a shoulder to lean on. Hang in there. xo

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January 19, 2012 6:20 pm

Oh my. This is spot on. I was JUST thinking about pity parties today. Sometimes I like to feel very very very very very sorry for myself. Sometimes it’s fun to watch a movie like Simon Birch. Sue me! Give this girl some ice cream and shallow reality television, and I’ll call it even with the baditude.

January 19, 2012 7:07 pm

seriously ice cream is my savior!

January 19, 2012 9:41 pm

Oh poop! I’m so sorry to hear things haven’t been at all stellar for you. Sometimes it just feels like life throws one thing after another at you. I do like your prescription for dealing with it – best to just embrace the blah-blues and as you said things always look better in the morning. Sending you warm thoughts and a hug. Take care, Annie x

January 20, 2012 4:21 am

January has definitely left me down in the dumps but this reminds me that sometimes that can be quite fun (if you have ice cream and liquor down there with you!)

January 20, 2012 5:12 am

I totally love this post. My bestest friend is coming down for the weekend and I am going to organise one of these. We can get it all out of our systems and generally have a great time moping and feeling sorry for ourselves. Bliss. A good cry always does me the world of good.

January 20, 2012 6:39 am

Brilliant post! Exactly kind of thing you hope to see once in a while on blogs, but rarely do. Something about gloomy January–always has same effect on me no matter where I live. Love the list–especially the journal and knitted briefs.

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January 20, 2012 11:58 am

This is so awesome and so what I needed to read today. I don’t know why January is like this โ€“ don’t all the magazines say it’s supposed to be an exciting time for a fresh start? โ€“ but I completely empathize with you in this and feel like maybe a pity party is just the thing I need: to let it all out and be done with it. Looks I’ve got my Friday night plans. Thanks for this, and I hope things start getting better. For what it’s worth, your blog is one of my very favorites โ€“ so… Read more »

January 20, 2012 1:28 pm

This is the best! I totally agree, it’s pretty satisfying to just vent and bitch with your best friend for awhile!

January 20, 2012 1:48 pm

One of your readers said this before and it is so, so true for me- your blog [you!] make my life better!

thank you for everything you share, you really are the best. hope you kick those blues soon, xo

January 20, 2012 2:09 pm

Oh, you’ve read my mind!

January 20, 2012 3:43 pm

Please tell me where I can get my hands on those uber cute wool undies!?!?!?!

January 20, 2012 10:41 pm

Love this!

[…] Arends posted on throwing a proper pity party – and I find it perfectly on point. Kate – I think I’ll join you in wallowing a […]

January 21, 2012 11:04 am

[…] how to throw yourself a pity partyย by wit + delight. brilliant: […]

January 21, 2012 11:34 am

I especially like the banner, actually – makes it feel like a real party.

January 21, 2012 7:11 pm

Sorry you were feeling down in the dumps; hope the pity party helped!

xo Jennifer

January 22, 2012 1:10 am

The “I recommend Scotch” card is by Oblation Papers and Press ( in Portland, Ore. I work there and it’s very lovely to see us represented on your blog ๐Ÿ™‚

January 22, 2012 11:41 am

Sorry to hear you’ve been down, Kate! We’ve all been there (as I’m sure you know!) When I’m down, I like to do stuff that reminds me what I love (about where I live, about my friends and family, my work, etc.). A string of bad luck only means a string of good luck is sure to follow ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

January 22, 2012 3:09 pm

i am WAY GUILTY of twitter whining. thx for the handslap ๐Ÿ˜›

January 22, 2012 6:28 pm

amen sister! thanks for reminding me of ways to kick my blues away. martinis, music (played really loud) and a good night of restfull sleep always seem to help me….and you’re right about social media. ha!

January 22, 2012 7:57 pm

Pray tell who makes those beautiful knit intimates!!

January 23, 2012 7:41 am

Hahaha! this is so funn.! And practical too ๐Ÿ™‚ I love it.
Hope you’re in a better mood now.

January 24, 2012 5:35 am

Pity party must include an old movie classic and ice cream!

January 24, 2012 7:54 am

GREAT post. I hope Breyer’s mint chocolate chip ice cream and Breakfast at Tiffanys are also acceptable substitutes ๐Ÿ™‚

January 26, 2012 9:20 pm

Oh I’m so happy that I found my way over here from Freutcake! I totally threw myself a pity party on Monday night, which included a very hearty glass of red wine, or two, or maybe it was three. Regardless, I woke up on Tuesday morning with a slight hangover and a brand new positive attitude!

January 27, 2012 12:28 pm

[…]    Got the winter blues? How to throw yourself a proper pity party. […]

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