My Post-Breakup Journey After Ending an 8-Year Relationship

Relationships

As previously seen on Wit & Delight

Given that May’s theme is all about learning to accept ourselves for who we are, we’re unearthing these beautiful words from the Wit & Delight archive, as penned by Jenny Jorgensen. Jenny writes about life after a breakup—a year of adventure and change, and finding herself along the way.


Man, what a year. 2016—I mean, really?  

However, I’m not only talking about the election. I’ve tried to live a life sans drama, and in reflection, the last few years have been quite the opposite. I tend to be a bit of a hermit on social media—I am one of those extroverted introverts who likes her memories kept in her head for herself and who prides herself on being overly independent—so, this sharing thing is a little out of my comfort zone.

I am currently sitting in my backyard with the soundtrack of Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet blaring in an attempt to wake up all the feels inside, to get me to write this article.

It was quite a year, one of the best I have ever had. And yet, none of this would have been possible without letting go of the love of my life; my partner of eight years, who grew up down the street from me. I literally don’t remember a time that I haven’t known him. But, we got bad. Our time was up.

It’s really hard walking toward a new life that you want, while leaving a life you have spent nearly a decade creating, in the past. But more than that, it’s hard walking away from a great love. Even when you know it’s not the best love for you now or ever.

As a result, I left Minneapolis as often as possible and told everyone it was for fun, or for work. In truth, it was because I felt like I couldn’t breathe walking my dog to Five Watt (the best coffee shop in town) every morning and grilling in my backyard every night. I didn’t know how to exist by myself, living in all of the memories.

This breakup, which I can fortunately say was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life, came with creating a whole new world and acknowledging to “my people” that my perfect life was in fact quite the opposite.

But, hey. Life goes on and it eventually hit me—it’s time to make a new one.

So, I ran all over the world—all year.  Collecting new and incredible souls while avoiding my home and finding what made the new me tick… and when I had to be home, I threw all my moments, good and bad, into creating a new version of my work (good thing I’m a creative, right?).

It’s the best thing I have ever done.

It gave me a pass to do literally, whatever I wanted for a year. In fact, I feel like the people closest to me have given me an extension on this pass, which is amazing and insane.

Granted, this pass didn’t always evoke the most responsible decisions to be made and I’ll leave those stories out of this article, thanks. But, in general, all the wild decisions I made ended up being great for me.

For example, as soon as I got out of bed, which was around two and a half weeks post d-day, I instantly bought a ticket to Switzerland and left the next day to go hiking and biking and crying with my best friend. Should I instead have stayed home and called my clients back? Definitely. But, I couldn’t (sorry), so I didn’t, and my week in the mountains got me to stop listening to The National’s “Trouble Will Find Me” album on repeat and I started eating again. Note: I wrote this a few day’s ago and I am now editing this with that album in my earbuds—it’s just too good to quit.

I became a regular at the Driftwood Char Bar (a divey motorcycle establishment), which is right down the street from my house. Keep in mind, I refused to go here for the last five years; but sitting outside eating grilled cheese and drinking Coors Light with a bunch of nonjudgmental new faces was all I wanted to do roughly three times a week, so that is what I did. Most of my friends still aren’t thrilled about this dining recommendation when I bring it up, but they are definitely coming around.

I made a new best friend and we decided that the only way to move on with our lives based on our breakups was to make a toile telling the story of our experience together and paint it on a wall in my condo… and then paint the same toile on each other, naked, and take pictures in front of the wall. There is not a day in my life that I would have ever done this before that day. But, good thing we were both out of our minds because we ended up accidentally launching a company, as a result, called She She.

I joined the apps—yeah, those apps. I went on nine dates in seven days, just ripped the band-aid right off. Then I was exhausted and got off of the apps. I still talk to a few of those patient, sweet men. It’s an absolute miracle they didn’t all run for the hills as fast as possible, which is proof that good people are out there.

I reached out to people I looked up to and asked them for help creating my new life. I realized that being humble and honest makes you look good, not bad. Around 70% of my relationships weren’t real and I distanced myself from giving my energy to a huge network of people and instead told the truth and developed deeper relationships with those who remembered the old me and weren’t uncomfortable that I was becoming her again, alone.

(Fast forward a year.)

I still leave Minneapolis probably more than I should, but I only go to the Char Bar once a month. Baby steps.

Thanks to dedicating my entire shopping budget to bi-weekly therapy sessions and doing whatever my yogi guru, Jan, tells me to do, my life has turned around—even the parts of my life that aren’t where I want them to be are better than where they were a year or two ago.

Along with therapy and Jan, it is without a doubt a result of waking up every day and forcing myself to do all the things that made me feel like my skin was on fire. Yeah, it was a whole year of me walking around, eyes wide, feeling so vulnerable and afraid that I knew I was breathing but felt like I was holding my breath. And now, I’m good.

It’s better to appear to be alone than to actually feel alone. It’s better to feel whole on the inside even if it makes you look broken on the outside.

The moral of the story is that the adventure of starting over, or getting to the point where I could start over was a lot of fun. It’s better to appear to be alone than to actually feel alone. It’s better to feel whole on the inside even if it makes you look broken on the outside. If you have to take a year off from the path you were on to figure this out, it’s worth it.

Photos by 2ndTruth and Jenny Jorgensen

BY Jenny Jorgensen - May 25, 2019

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4 Comments  +

add a comment

  1. CJ

    May 25th, 2019 at 10:41 am

    Your story resonates so much here… Two years ago I broke up with the love of my life after more than 13 years together (yep… from age 17 til 30) and looking back I can’t believe the journey and change I’ve been through ever since. It’s been a true roller coaster ride, with euphoric and often very impulsive ups and deep, deep downs, but it’s been worth it. With baby steps, I discovered (and am still discovering) a new me, a real me, a grown up me, confident and free spirited. I’ve often felt frustrated about how long it took me to feel a bit balanced again after the total disruption and unraveling of my life as I had known it, but I now know I needed that time. There is no manual, there is just you, your intuition and the love, energy and support of the true friends you surround yourself with to take this adventure.

  2. My Post-Breakup Journey After Ending an 8-Year Relationship – Business Blog

    May 25th, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    […] Continue reading My Post-Breakup Journey After Ending an 8-Year Relationship at Wit & Delight | … […]

  3. MO

    May 28th, 2019 at 12:22 pm

    Oh this article and CJ’s comment… wow. It’s been two years since I broke off an eight year relationship and it was the hardest and best decision I have ever made. I could go on and on but Everything in this article and in CJ’s comment is spot on. Cheers.

  4. Katherine Jenkins

    July 2nd, 2019 at 9:51 am

    […] Get your ex lover back or do you want your wife/husband to be permanently yours without cheating on you
    Robinson.Buckler {{@ yahoo .}} com | … […]

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