Your interest in whether someone else is an introvert or extrovert lies somewhere between you caring about the dream they had last night and who they drafted to their fantasy football league.
Here’s the thing: you don’t pay all the “introvert”/“extrovert”/“ambivert”/“ohmygodhowmany’-verts’arethere” labels much mind until you’re in a relationship where the discrepancies between you and your partner’s two different socializing tendencies quickly barrels to the forefront and requires some work to make sure everything runs smoothly.
It dawned on me pretty early I was dating a sociopath because he can have just as much fun at a networking event small-talking with strangers as he can anything else. I won’t go into detail about my personality, but for time-saving sake, let’s just say something like, I’d rather get a root canal than make a phone call. (Also like, please do not call me, ever.)
My boyfriend tends to be the homecoming king of every room he walks into. It’s pretty adorable and I love him for it.
It’s pretty adorable and I love him for it, until we’ve been at an event for four hours and he’s still killin’ it, but I’m at the point where I’m sneaking off to the bathroom every 15 minutes for some alone time, in a stall folding toilet paper into origami and making peace with the fact that everyone probably thinks I have a drug problem.
When we first started dating, I could feel myself becoming withdrawn in situations where he was thriving and I was miserable. I was envious of him. Truly. It masqueraded as insecurity in a variety of ways, but I realized at the base of it was me resenting him because of a personality trait he had and I didn’t. Girlfriend Of The Year Award!!!!!
So we had to lay some ground rules. Sexy, am I right??? Okay, not so much. But you know what is kinda attractive? Managing your tendencies so you can thrive in your relationship.
Photo: 2nd Truth Photography
BY Liz Welle - February 21, 2017
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Thank you for being here. For being open to enjoying life’s simple pleasures and looking inward to understand yourself, your neighbors, and your fellow humans! I’m looking forward to chatting with you.
This is so me. I’m super introverted – I know that root canal phone call feeling well. And while my boyfriend isn’t 100% extroverted, he is a lot more that way inclined than I am. I think communication (as it seems to be with everything in a relationship) is so key, once I explained to him how I was feeling and why I got super crabby at certain events we found ways to compromise that suited us both a lot better
Such an interesting read about a relationship that’s completely opposite to mine. I’ve had two exes that were both extroverts while I’m an introvert, and we didn’t do most of the things on the list and ultimately didn’t work out. My current boyfriend though, he’s an introvert like me, and amazingly I’ve found that it’s not always true that “opposites attract” like in our case, since we go together so well! I suppose it’s different for every couple.
Charmaine Ng | Architecture & Lifestyle Blog
I so, so understand and appreciate this post. I’m an introvert and my fiance is an extrovert (on the less extreme side). We’ve been together for 14 years and have (through painful experiences) learned to respect each other’s quirks and boundaries, though it’s still not easy. I will say that we’re now in our 30’s and are moving into the marriage/kids/home-buying portion of our lives, and it gets even harder, as I’m sure you know. Because your money is somewhat joined, so that can often make for difficult conversations when your extrovert partner spends money on social activities. My introversion… Read more »
This was so good to read! My boyfriend is very, very introverted, whereas I am pretty introverted but tend to act like an extrovert for a few hours if required. (I just relax into being my ‘real self’ if there’s someone more extroverted there, like my boyfriend’s brother, for instance). This post makes me feel better about the fact we’re genuinely the kind of people who’d rather watch netflix or go for a walk, and have time separate from one another too! And I love what you said – “either you ride with them or you don’t”. After a couple… Read more »
Such a great post! I love your viewpoint and I’m currently in my first relationship so this made me laugh so hard.
Proud introvert here!
Last year I took a MBTI personality test, and it helped me solidify a ton about myself and the relationships I have with others. If you don’t want to ask your beau to do the same, I truly recommend taking it for yourself. I’m an INFP [introversion (I), intuition (N), feeling (F), perception (P),] and 100% proud of it!
It has helped me me ton with significant ones like my parents.
16personalities.com is a good resource to start with.
this is spot-on! my husband is more extroverted in the sense that he likes to be out doing fun things with people, but i’m the introvert who actually does better mixing and mingling with strangers than he does. we’re an odd pair, ha. lots of tears were shed (by me) during our dating years though while we tried to figure out the expectations the other one had. he wanted us to go meet up with friends and i always just wanted to hang out with him one-on-one. communication and expectation management are truly 2 of the most important components of… Read more »
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You = I in this. Sending this to my partner right now haha
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Great article and very appreciated! The only thing I would say is that its good to be an introvert, too (you said you wished you were like your boyfriend). One trait isnt better than the other. The world needs us, too, even if it doesn’t know or act like it. 🙂