We all know opposites attract, but how well do they sleep at night? If you currently share your bed with a living, breathing being, you can commiserate. One person is too hot, the other too cold. Throw two kids, a 60 lb yellow lab, and demanding work schedules into the mix and you can imagine how little sleep Joe and I are getting on a nightly basis. There should be a new WORD for this level of tired.
We are in that stage of life where every minute of sleep counts. I’m “on” feeding duty every other night or, if I’ve been up late working, Joe will take the morning shift when I do the midnight shift on my way to bed. Sharing the burden works so that we both get SOME sleep, but our relationship suffers the most. Sometimes I feel like we are two tired ships, literally passing on our way to the bathroom. We’ve always found laughter to be the best way to power through these rough times but lately, I wasn’t laughing as much. Neither was Joe.
After a particularly rough week, I waved my tired white flag. I didn’t want to go to bed at different times. I didn’t want to feel guilty that my tossing and turning kept him up, even when he wasn’t on feeding duty. We resorted to finding a self-soothing mechanism through social media or refreshing our Twitter feeds, not talking to one another, sights locked on the illuminated screens. Could it be that slowly but surely, the lack of sleep was creating a rift subtle enough that we didn’t realize we had drifted apart?
During a double date with friends who have kids, they shared some habits they embraced during the evening that had brought them closer together. A few rules included no digital devices in the bedroom, an early bedtime— together, and a repeatable morning routine that was centered around self-improvement and not their inboxes.
I was intrigued. Their toddler had just started sleeping through the night, and they were able to bring in these new habits while juggling very different sleep habits. I figured if we started blaming the kids for our poor quality of sleep, we might start sliding down a slippery slope, blaming them for other aspects of our relationship that needed some work. Instead, we would need to figure out how to reset our nighttime routines all while knowing there’s a chance of interruption.
The arrival of our new Sleep Number® bed coincided with our conversations around connecting through a shared evening routine. A bed that could be completely customized for our very different needs made it nearly impossible for us to blame one another for added disruption. It seemed like a great time to say, “OK, let’s get serious about these new habits!”
The first thing we did once our bed was installed was to learn our Sleep Number. Mine is 25 and his is 80. Since having babies, my back and hips have had some nerve pain and having a mattress that takes ALL pressure off these points has been so helpful in healing. We also learned all about SleepIQ technology®, which tracks your sleep every night from within the mattress and gives you a score each morning based on how well you slept!
Next, we set notifications around when we wanted to get ready for bed. I’ve turned just about every notification on my phone off except for the ones related to self-care and personal development. The first time I got a “ding” stating that it was time to get rest so I could “focus on my future,” it was the perfect way to jolt me from my inbox and start my nighttime routine.
After getting the setting on our bed just right through the Sleep Number app, we tuck away our phones and read in bed. Sometimes we talk about the kids. It’s just nice to be awake at the same time, to look at one another and say, “we survived” it really helps us feel more connected. It’s not much, but it goes a long way.
Ed. Note: This post was sponsored by Sleep Number. The compensation received in exchange for placement on Wit & Delight is used to purchase props, hire a photographer, write/edit the blog post and support the larger team behind Wit & Delight.
While compensation was received in exchange for coverage, all thoughts and opinions are always my own. Sponsored posts like these allow for the development of additional dynamic content to be produced, unsponsored. Thank you for supporting our partners!
BY Kate Arends - August 9, 2018
Thank you for being here. For being open to enjoying life’s simple pleasures and looking inward to understand yourself, your neighbors, and your fellow humans! I’m looking forward to chatting with you.