When You Know You Know


I like love. I like that love is goofy and versatile; fun and sneaky; special and messy; exhausting, yet beautiful and kind.

What impresses me the most is how unique love can be and how love grows even more unique as the years go by. It’s pretty sticky-sweet to think of love as a personal collection of little memories, inside jokes, and forgettable arguments that change over time. And when the waters get rough, I have to step back for a minute—think about the love that’s in my life and consider what that love means to me. I mean, my life would’ve had a completely different trajectory had I not met my husband.

This June we came up on three years of marriage, which isn’t much in the grand scheme of Betrothalhood, but lately, I find myself thinking about what might’ve transpired if I didn’t trust my gut 5 years ago. What if I listened to the naysayers in my life who told me I was a fool to think that my now-husband was “The One?”

Okay “The One” is too loaded-seeming to me and makes me feel as though I’m in a real-life version of The Bachelorette, so I’m gonna use the term “my person.” Yes, Grey’s Anatomy fans if you think that sounds familiar, you’re right—I definitely nabbed that phrase from the show. But at any rate, it’s true (cheesy, but true)! He is my human. I have total confidence in him, our love, and our ability to navigate any variety of things that life presents. I have faith in him to be honest and true to himself. I also trust him to totally tick me off every now and again. Like when he leaves his shoes smack dab in the middle of the room as though a ghost stepped out of them and left them there to retire for eternity. That’s love for you though. Equal parts sneaky, irritating, forgivable, and heart-filling.

Though, I’d be lying if I said I knew what love meant to me before I met my person. To be honest, I thought I’d never be in a relationship with one person for an extended period of time—much less get hitched. I’d always heard the phrase “when you know you know” but I didn’t imagine I’d find it where I did—which was in a one person out of a group of whiskey-hungover dudes who needed someone to show them a place to go rock climbing outside of Missoula, Montana. Believe me, that was the last place I thought I’d meet The One.

Our story is somewhat akin to a fairytale. But leading up to that moment my life felt like a hot mess. You could say I was having an early twenties crisis: I had just resigned from a good job, I didn’t have a car, I was in high north Montana, and I was super-duper broke and in debt. To say the least, I was freaking out. I didn’t know what my next move would be—so I panicked, drank a lot of tequila, and ended up with an atrocious hangover that lasted two days.

Forty-eight hours and 20 episodes of How I Met Your Mother later, I hopped into the back of a Toyota Corolla to take some guys rock climbing and there he was in the front seat: my person. I certainly didn’t know it at the time and was far from impressed considering the motley state he and his friends were in. Truth be told it took the whole day for me to figure out that I liked him and then some. But as it turned out, my person was moving to Boston, MA—the very city that I had zero desire to move to.

So I went out on a limb (read: spoke without thinking) and asked him if he needed a cross-country copilot. He didn’t but wasn’t opposed to the company. So I called my Mom and told her I was coming home and possibly for a while. I didn’t know what was in store for my person and I, but somewhere between our departure date and the state of Wisconsin, we decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.

When I told friends and family this I was met with a lot of negativity.

“You don’t even know each other.”

“You’re too young.”

“You haven’t spent enough time on your own.”

“You’re making a huge mistake.”

“You’re not fit for marriage.”

“You haven’t been dating long enough to know.”

And so on. It truly bummed me out that we didn’t have the positive reaction that we wanted. At the time I misunderstood this as a lack of support, when in reality it was simply my closest friends and family looking out for me and my best interest. No one wanted to see me unhappy in a relationship (which, all things considered, makes sense). That said, there was plenty of underlying critiques as it pertained to our future: a lot of folks tried to discourage us from getting hitched right off the bat or even committing ourselves preemptively to a lifetime together. People thought we didn’t know each other well enough to do that. But in our heart of hearts, we both knew that we were the ones for each other. So what happened in light of our relationship not meeting the status quo? We ignored it, committed ourselves to forever and waited a few years to get hitched—and it was the best decision we have ever, ever, ever made. My person is my best friend and also the biggest pain-in-my-butt I’ve ever had, but I cannot imagine my life without him. It is that much more filled with love, adventure, and obstacles and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m happy I didn’t listen to the naysayers: I trusted myself and my person to make a decision in our best interest. How can I argue with that?

I can’t. I can argue with the rough spots, the mistakes, and the annoying habits we both have, but at the end of the day—he’s my person.

In the time that I’ve taken to write this, my husband has 1. “Danced” around my desk with the dogs 2. Brought one of our chickens into the house for me to say hello to 3. Accidentally turned the hockey game on obtrusively loud and 4. Brought me a glass of wine. All these things are small, sweet gestures (albeit sometimes annoying ones too)—they remind me of where we started and the love that we’ve cultivated between the two of us as the years have passed by. So, I’ll cheers to that and many more in-between.

Image via Melissa Sonico

BY Monique Seitz-Davis - September 21, 2018

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September 21, 2018 1:49 pm

A lovely read, once again, thank you! ^_^ I find myself in a similar situation as you did with the move to Boston… except for me the move would be from Europe to the other end of Asia, which makes me take this relatively fresh relationship a little bit more seriously. I’m in love for the first time in my life, but I’m not sure if that’s enough of a reason or a guarantee of any sort to move so far because of a man… I have a lot to think about and about 4 months to do it Teresa… Read more »

September 21, 2018 8:41 pm

I met my husband online. I had just been dumped via FB chat and decided to give OKCupid one last try. I never believed in “The One” until I met him. Before we met I applied to a job in Fiji, I got the job and three months after meeting him I asked if he’d be interested in moving to Fiji and if we got married the university would probably pay his way. We ended up not going to Fiji but instead moved so he could go back to school. We celebrate our 3 year anniversary next month and welcomed… Read more »

September 22, 2018 7:40 pm

I absolutely loved this post. I can relate so much to feeling as though I would never be committed to just one person. In fact I would often get bored quickly and check out of any relationships I had. It just didn’t seem like it was for me. But here I am four years later with a man I never expected to be with, and I can’t imagine every wanting to have a life with someone else. He too is my person.

September 22, 2018 8:25 pm

It’s true. After dating for over 20 years, I finally met my husband and we were engaged a month later, and we eloped 6 months to the day we met. Four years later still madly in love. He’s my person too.

September 24, 2018 9:38 am

This is lovely.

‘My person is my best friend and also the biggest pain-in-my-butt I’ve ever had, but I cannot imagine my life without him.’

This sentence couldn’t be more true for me. I met my person last December and I’m still trying to figure out what hit me. Cheers to love.

September 24, 2018 10:03 am

So sweet. Your list of things your husband did during the time of writing this piece is my favorite. I have such a picture of who he is and who you are together. Congratulations for finding your person, and many blessings for the road ahead. xo

October 31, 2018 2:30 am

Love is do great feeling. I’m happy now, because I’m in love.
My love story is not original. I met my boyfriend, when I was working in SEO company (https://www.linksmanagement.com/). But we happy together. And still working together.

January 31, 2019 10:40 pm

I was 30 and a friend introduced me to my future wife. We met at a bar, neutral ground, and started dating after that,13 years later we’ve got two children, a dog, and a house. Before I met her, I had a long talk with my father about how I was sure I’d never get married because it wasn’t for me.

April 20, 2019 5:25 am

And I have such a picture of who he is and who you are together.

November 10, 2019 7:30 am

i love this

November 10, 2019 7:32 am

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December 10, 2019 4:29 am

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October 20, 2020 12:51 pm

I got the job and three months after meeting him I asked if he’d be interested in moving to Fiji and if we got married the university would probably pay his way.

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