I recently saw an Instagram post from a creator who outlined all the things she had learned about herself in the years she had been alive (it was her thirty-ninth birthday). I loved the idea of sharing a small snippet of things I’ve learned by stumbling through my own life, in hopes it might help someone else out there too. 

Today I’m sharing three pieces of advice I would (if I could) give to my younger self.

If you’re in the mood for some introspection of your own, I think this would be a really insightful writing exercise to try for yourself. Your answers may surprise you, and they could be more informative to your current life than you might realize at first.

On the power of “boring”

1. Remember that boredom isn’t a bad thing.

You’ve developed a level of intensity in life that can sometimes get in the way of enjoying the little things. Try to remember that feeling bored isn’t a bad thing.

If you don’t experience high highs and low lows at work, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the wrong job. If there’s not fiery passion in your relationship, it doesn’t mean it’s dull. Over time you will learn that making more “boring” choices is often better for your overall well-being, whether it’s leaning into a calm relationship or coming home early from a night out. 

You’ve developed a level of intensity in life that can sometimes get in the way of enjoying the little things. Try to remember that feeling bored isn’t a bad thing.

On mental health

2. It isn’t enough to simply label your ADHD.

It isn’t enough to simply label your ADHD, although it’s a meaningful first step. You need to actually do the work of managing it. Working with a mental health professional who can provide you with the tools to manage your ADHD, rather than trying to struggle through it yourself, will make a world of difference. This applies to any other mental health disorder you may encounter throughout the course of life.

On relationships

3. You don’t stop being the person you were before you met your partner.

You don’t suddenly become a different person when you commit to being with someone else. All of the quirks and tendencies you had before you met your partner will remain. And the things you love most about the person when you met them will end up being the things that annoy you most too.

This doesn’t mean something is wrong with the relationship; it’s more about the choices you make after you realize this. If you can find a way to cultivate your relationship despite your differences and points of contention, you’ll build a relationship based on a foundation of trust.

Joe said this recently, during an argument: “I wish you knew that I will always choose you.” I told him the next day that I’m going to work on taking his word for it. 

Writer’s Note: This is from the point of view of someone in a monogamous relationship, but this outlook can certainly apply to ethical non-monogamous relationships too. The values of integrity, respect, and trust can apply in every sort of ethical partnership that exists.

Kate Arends

Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is forever testing the boundaries of her creative muscle. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.