This year has already proven to be one where I continue to face challenges both personally and professionally. Financial challenges, challenges of identity, and the dynamic of my marriage are all up in the air right now. And you guys, I am HERE for it.

What happened in 2023 has forever changed my relationship with fear. When the worst-case scenario happens and you survive, the only bright side is you know you can, at the very least, make it through each day. And that’s not nothing. 

Today I’m sharing some reflections on the past year, my goals for 2024, and what you can expect from me going forward.

Reflecting on the Lessons of Last Year

Reflecting on all that unfolded in my life last year, I can’t point to one thing or moment that helped me move through the depths of my own mind. I do know that I did not give up even when my inner critic told me I was pathetic and should leave the internet forever. I kept going and putting myself out there, even if it meant I was a puddle.

I know now that when fear is in the driver’s seat, we become another version of ourselves entirely. It takes time to break that cycle, but now I live comfortably with fear sitting right next to me, grinning wickedly as I put one foot in front of the other despite its menacing presence. I’ve even begun to find humor where my fears show up, and I think that’s progress. 

Because while all of what happened in 2023 was hard, I wish I’d seen sooner how trying to change that fact only prolonged my inner agony. Only when I started to see the pain as part of the human experience, when I acknowledged it’s something I would experience many times over in my lifetime, did I start to find myself again. This lesson was brought on not by avoiding my reality but by facing it. 

Releasing Shame and Changing My Perspective

While not much has changed about what I do in my day-to-day life, my perspective has shifted entirely. I am truly kind to myself. I also hold myself accountable. I understand how all-consuming a life driven by shame can be. I also realize that if shame was used as a parenting tool when you were growing up, letting go of that shame will be terrifying in adulthood because it is all you know. 

That kind of deeply rooted shame is how you’ve measured your successes and failures. It’s how you’ve decided whether or not to approach a potential partner. It’s informed what you can hope and dream of, all within a certain set of limitations that were never set by you in the first place, but passed on from generation to generation. This shame is ancient, and it does not belong to you. It probably didn’t belong to your parents or their parents. It is pain that needs a host to sustain itself.

Living without the security blanket of shame means accepting the fear of vulnerability. I am holding my fear by its hand and letting it live alongside me. And that has changed everything. 

So when we begin to breathe oxygen that isn’t tainted with shame, it feels like taking a big gulp of cold air after a lifetime of fighting for shallow breath. It is exhilarating. It reminds me of the first time I put on glasses and realized I could see the leaves on trees. I marvel at the sensation and feel what it is like to have hope and freedom.

I feel this freedom in the smallest of places, like when I am excited to read what I’ve written. Or when I open thank you cards and read words of encouragement—without thinking they are conditional. Or when I come to the table with an open heart, willing to be myself, because I can face rejection. When I know I can face the fact that all beginnings have endings.

Living without the security blanket of shame means accepting the fear of vulnerability. I am holding my fear by its hand and letting it live alongside me. And that has changed everything. 

My Intentions and Goals for 2024

Looking out at the possibility of what 2024 holds, I realize the only control we have in this life is the choice to experience it fully, hand in hand with fear and also with the vulnerability of love and acceptance. With this in mind, these are my intentions and goals for 2024:

• Fight shame with vulnerability.
• Be like a turtle: slow, steady, and consistent. 
• Do community-centered work. 
• Hold myself accountable for doing what I say I’ll do.
• Feel emotions without giving them so much meaning.
• Spend on what matters to me.
• Protect time with my family.
• Invest in education.

What You Can Expect From Me Going Foward

In many ways I’m “officially back” in this role of full-time content creation, something I’d stepped away from halfway through last year. But in other ways, it’s an entirely different kind of role. I have a renewed sense of commitment to what I do. I see it as a vehicle for which I create, not through which I am measuring the impact of my work. I’m feeling the spark to create again, through a different lens than I had before. Why not follow that thread and see what happens?

I used to cling to a sense of certainty about what my work meant to people and why I was doing it. I now know there’s power in becoming comfortable with uncertainty. I used to shy away from difficulty or friction in favor of ease. I now know there are times when friction enables us to build confidence and do difficult things. The goal shouldn’t be to hide from it but to accept it as a necessary part of the journey. It feels so freeing to not have a perfect answer or strategy and to accept that as okay.

As for what you can expect from me going forward, my promise is this: I’m going to keep showing up. I will keep writing and fueling the flame of the platforms I’ve built: Wit & Delight and House Call. I’m going to keep creating content and exploring my curiosities. I hope you’ll stick around for it all.

Kate Arends

Kate is the founder of Wit & Delight. She is currently learning how to play tennis and is forever testing the boundaries of her creative muscle. Follow her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.